Sun God Calls for Love March

We here at The Dunyun firmly believe that the truth is stranger than fiction, that reality often satirizes itself. This philosophy was only confirmed when we, like all of you, received a blitz from the Sun God, also known as Jonathan James Recor MALS ’12. We have printed the entirety of the e-mail below, with some tasteful parenthetical commentary added by your friends at The Dunyun.

“Dear Members of the Dartmouth College Community,

(The fact that you are reading this e-mail indicates that BlitzMail does not have a strict enough spam filter.)

On April 12th 2010, Theater-On-The-Walk (my one-man theater troupe, rivaling Dr. Tobias Funke’s in terms of legitimacy) is planning to launch a Love March. This is a free event (because, honestly, who would pay) and is open to all students and staff (sorry, faculty). (The royal) We will have police escorts (not by our choice), music (the theme song from every movie of your childhood ruined), Love-theme legionary war banners (Playboy centerfolds), and solar powered tiki-torches (we really have no explanation for this. Your guess is as good as ours).
 
To prepare for the event we will be hosting a series of student assembly meetings (NOT sponsored by Student Assembly. A clever lack of capitalization). Our first meeting is TODAY at 4:30PM in 303 Collis -- We urge you all to come and help us to organize the event.

We want this to be a special occasion for the Students and Staff of Dartmouth College -- We need your help!

TODAY at 4:30 in 303 Collis (really, why does everything that The Dunyun hates have to take place in Collis?).

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WHO: Dartmouth Student Body & Staff (I heard the Dartmouth Student Body was a B-Side Jennifer’s Body and I heard the Staff was the most important part of that Body)
WHAT: A march in the name of love (But Diana Ross told me to do the opposite…)
WHEN: April 12, 2010; 5:00pm (Just eight days short of The Dunyun’s favorite holiday! We might’ve marched if it had been on that day)
WHERE: Dartmouth College - Center Green (Not to be confused with the many other Greens)
WHY: Because we must be the change we wish to see in the World (applying Gandhi to lightsaber-swinging really does seem appropriate).

The time for contemplation is over. We must take action and express our love (whatever happened to good old-fashioned hookers?).

Stand By Me ([insert witticism]).

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Event Planning Meeting: Thursdays in 303 Collis at 4:30pm (All Students Welcome) (what type of shoes to wear? Open-toed might lead to blisters, so watch out!)

FEBRUARY 25: INTRODUCTION
Project Outline, Basic Funding (those solar-powered tiki torches ain’t gonna pay for themselves), Task Management, Event Promotion, Outreach Campaign.

MARCH 4: UPDATE #1
Progress Report, Task Management, Marching Props, March Landscape (it’s a good thing they didn’t try to do March Landscape at their February meeting… Get it?) & Cost.

APRIL 1: UPDATE #2
Propaganda Campaign, Assign Student Task Force Groups (and friend them on Facebook, if I haven’t already), Updates & Permission Checks (who grants these things permission? Who, I ask you, who?).

APRIL 8: FINAL PREPARATION
Final Cost Assessment (dignity, among other things), Timetable of Activities Checklist.


* APRIL 12, 5:00PM: THE LOVE MARCH *”

(sssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)