102 Things to Do before you Graduate
1) Boot.
2) Break up with your boy/girlfriend from home now and save yourself some time.
3) Share personal information with random people in your building during orientation; never speak to them again.
4) Heckle aggressively at a sporting event not conducive to heckling.
5) Argue with a DDS employee about the definition of "stealing."
6) Touch the fire...and by that we mean hook up with a ginger.
7) Leave your 10A to boot in the bathroom.
8) Stacks.
9) Hook up with someone the first week of your FSP. Make it super awkward for the next nine.
10) Sit in a chemistry exam. Midway through, tear up your exam and run out yelling "Fuck it, I don't want to be a doctor."
11) Goodsam that trippee who pretends they don't recognize you.
12) “Raise Awareness” for a cause you couldn’t care less about.
13) Apologize for partying.
14) Keep your Croo hair for way too long.
15) Hook up with a mistake.
16) Be somebody else's mistake.
17) Spend hours picking your classes freshmen fall. End up taking Econ 1, Psych 1 and Writing 5.
18) Buy condoms from a vending machine.
19) Spike the tea at Sanborn.
20) Donate blood instead of pregaming.
21) Chuckle when you get the blitz for the Alpha Delta Literary Contest.
22) "Totally fail" your Gov paper by getting a B+.
23) Send a blitz that ignites a campus-wide controversy.
24) Tell your friends from home how cold it is. They care!
25) Complain about how KAF ruined the Periodicals room while enjoying an iced chai latte and eating a quiche.
26) Get a boner dancing the Salty Dog Rag. Tuck it.
27) Register an event just for the party pack.
28) Talk about how much you hate Theta Delt.
29) Go there anyways.
30) Get more excited for a blitz from Witstracking than from your most recent hookup.
31) BEMA.
32) Subscribe to the “Daily” Dunyun.
33) Lower your standards.
34) Get a slice of pizza from your floor meeting, then leave.
35) Reply-all. We care what you have to say. We really do.
36) Sit down with Tuckies in Byrne and start complaining about the economy.
37) Realize the hard way that Twin XL beds do not fit two people
38) Join an a capella group (just kidding).
39) Top of the Hop.
40) Pretend sucking at pong equates to just not caring.
41) Miss the bus from formal, make a weekend out of it.
42) Attempt to convert somebody to the sexual preference required to hook up with you.
43) Spend hours, days, weeks talking with your buddies about block-rushing Zete and totally "running shit" from day one. All shake-out Theta Delt.
44) Stay here longer than Jim Kim.
45) Pressure a sober kid into driving you to Fort Lou's.
46) Fart while receiving oral sex.
47) Tell your friends from home that Dr. Seuss went here.
48) Call it “FoCo” but have no idea why.
49) The Green.
50) Go through rush and corporate recruiting "just to see." Then join a house and take that job offer.
51) Steal a patch of Beta’s lawn for use as your own personal putting green.
52) Wait out a line of five.
53) Watch longingly with an arm outstretched while the 4 brothers behind the bar chug beers.
54) Struggle when the Novack lady asks you for the "magic word." Hint: It's fucking please.
55) Take a nap.
56) Realize that a dance-floor makeout means nothing. Suddenly feel inadequate.
57) Tentatively schedule lunch dates you have no intention of keeping.
58) Pretend you got mono from hooking up. Just pong.
59) Hone your stalking skills: DND, Facebook, Dartmouthsports.com.
60) Criticize Keystone, keep drinking.
61) Take a shit on top of Mt. Moosilauke.
62) Get fat.
63) Wake up when it's already dark outside.
64) Be totally over the Greek System. Go to BG.
65) Spend more time calculating what grade you need to hit your NRO than studying.
66) Wonder where your tuition money is going while trampling the freshly sodded Robo lawn.
67) Send a morning-after blitz.
68) Don't send a morning-after blitz.
69) Pretend you've never heard of cantaloupe. We just think that would be funny.
70) Search your name on Bored at Baker. Realize you accidentally submitted your name. FUCK.
71) 50 Yard Line.
72) Try to get a sandwich named after you at the Hop. Fail. You're no Billy Bob.
73) Knock over cups on a throw save. Don't offer to help clean it up.
74) Steal a black North Face when you're drunk. Keep it in case someone steals your bike and you need to offer a reward.
75) Listen to Toast while eating toast.
76) Request "I Just Had Sex" from the belltower.
77) Derive your sense of self worth mainly from things that don’t matter.
78) Black in trying to climb Bartlett Tower while shouting “I am the lone pine!”
79) Repair the Green Print and be a hero for 10 minutes.
80) Steps of Dartmouth Hall.
81) Flip a table to make room when FoCo gets too crowded.
82) Figure it's time you settle down and start looking for a relationship. Hook up with that freshman.
83) Pick up the D, read the Overheards, don't forget to recycle.
84) Poach someone else's EBAs.
85) Make better friends from Diversions than DOC.
86) Get pissed at other people for trying.
87) Fellate a professor during office hours, metaphorically.
88) Get treated for dysentery at Dick's House with a cherry-flavored popsicle. Feel better.
89) Get upset when someone steals your stolen bike from FoCo.
90) Abandon your standards.
91) Wake up in someone else's room...without their knowledge or permission.
92) Take advantage of someone for their room draw number.
93) President's Lawn.
94) Join the ten-foot-high club on the Dartmouth Coach.
95) Get COSO funding for a totally bullshit club, such as "Dartmouth Students for the Acceptance of 3rd Nipples," "Dartmouth Fights Tooth Plaque," or "Students for Africa"
96) Crush some freshmen in pong. Win by 2 fulls.
97) Feel like a boss when you get 18 blitzes. Hate the Listserv.
98) Go to the apple orchard/Derby/polar bear swim and think only about taking pictures for Facebook.
99) Hate everyone.
100) Confuse Advance Transit with the AT. Congratulate yourself on completing the AT when you get let off at the Hop.
101) Squander opportunities you don't deserve in the first place.
102) Rally.
Posts
