NBC Confirms that No One Outside of Dartmouth Cared about The Sing-Off

The a capella reality show “The Sing Off” took the Dartmouth community by storm last fall when the Dartmouth Aires competed on the show, capturing second place. However, NBC cancelled the upcoming season of the show this week, confirming suspicions that no one really cared about The Sing Off outside of Dartmouth.

Like a freshman during orientation, the greater Dartmouth community was enamored by catchy melodies, energetic dance moves and mostly the chance to see people they knew on national television. The greater Dartmouth community therefore assumed that, since they were excited for their connection to the fourth most popular reality singing competition on television, all of America shared this excitement.

Lone Pine Discovered to have been Early Cell Phone Tower in Disguise

Shocking new evidence has uncovered a century old conspiracy regarding Dartmouth’s famous Lone Pine. Documents found in Rauner Library by some freshman “trying to get the most out of his Dartmouth experience” show that the iconic tree was nothing more than an early prototype of a cell phone tower disguised as a pine tree.

Cedric Bell, a historian of Bell Telephone Company, which undertook the tower project, was surprised that it wasn’t discovered sooner, “It seems obvious when you look back at it. What do you see whenever you drive through rural New Hampshire? Huge pine trees towering over all the other trees on hilltops. If you saw the ‘Lone Pine’ now, you would immediately think about how obnoxious it is that Dartmouth let them build a cell phone tower overlooking campus and do nothing but nail on a few branches to conceal it.”