President Kim Announces New Mascot: the Dartmouth Aires

Thanks to the administration’s help, the Dartmouth Aires finished 2^nd in NBC’s “The Sing-Off” last night. In a bold move, President Kim has made the Dartmouth Aires the official mascot of Dartmouth. This decision comes on the heels of unprecedented popularity for the all-male a cappella group who were the real winners of the Sing-Off last night (shit was rigged).

‘15s Celebrate Annual Turkey Drop

Today is Thanksgiving: that time every year when freshmen realize that their girlfriends and boyfriends from home are just not worth the effort. They have become the romantic equivalent of waiting 30 minutes in the Hop line only to find that they don’t have shelled eggs. They used to have shelled eggs, and it was awesome. But now those eggs are gone, and you’re only left with the line. Thanksgiving is when freshmen finally leave the fucking line.

Many ‘15s who “wanted to try the long-distance thing” and were “the exception to the rule” will finally throw in the towel and end it with their boyfriend/girlfriend/we’re-broken-up-but-still-talk-everyday-and-hookup-a lot-and-are-basically-a-couple from home.

Campus Bros Starting to Feel Uncomfortable with how much they Like The Sing Off

Seven weeks into the show’s run, the Dartmouth Aires have captivated campus with their performance on NBC’s “The Sing Off.” However, this enthusiasm has caused self-proclaimed bros across campus to question whether or not they have surpassed the acceptable level of excitement over a televised a capella competition.

When a crowd of Phi Delts were asked last night about watching The Sing Off, they nervously replied that the Monday Night Football game was “on a commercial break” and “was going to be a complete blowout anyways.”

When interviewed further, Patrick Schwartz ’13, claimed, “It was pretty random. Forty guys just showed up at the house and we didn’t have anything to do so we decided to watch The Sing Off. Wouldn’t it be weird if we had planned it? What is this Sig Ep?”