Goldman Sachs Puzzled by Lack of Response to ‘Exciting Job Offer for Students’

Human resources officers at Goldman Sachs, a leading global investment bank, have been baffled by the lack of interest in a series of recruiting emails, which they have been sending to Dartmouth Students throughout the summer. Instead of an impersonal resume submission through DartBoard, Goldman recruiters attempted to take advantage of Dartmouth's unique blitz culture and make the process more personal by sending emails to each student. Although they have sent emails to students with subjects such as “Exciting Job for Dartmouth Students” and “Cool Student Job Opportunity!!!”, applications to Goldman Sachs are down 98% from last year.

Masters Victors Powered by Secret Source of Energy and Confidence

"Cocaine's a helluva drug." Rick James

Nobody could understand the phenomenon. On Saturday, both teams from Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity made it to the finals of Masters, an annual pong tournament between fraternities. SAE, which is not normally known for its athleticism or success, does have one thing on its side: some kind of secret shared between the brothers that allows its members to feel and act differently than the opponents.

Computing Services Announces Some Technicalities of Email Client Shift, Fails to Address the Future of Flitzing

In a move widely recognized as the largest cultural shift to Dartmouth since coeducation, Computing Services announced today that it will replace the 20+-year-old proprietary email client, BlitzMail, with a brand-new Microsoft prototype email client. The email, which was sent to all students, faculty, and staff, contained such unimportant details as the timeline for the transition, a conspicuously vague reference to the reasons for the choice of Microsoft over Google, and offers for help for those struggling with the transition. The email did not, however, address the only thing that students care about: the future of flitzing.