Reds Batch Renamed ‘Oranges’ after one Brother Takes it too Far”

For the first time since the drink’s creation, a batch of the popular Phi Delt drink Reds had to be renamed when it failed to achieve its namesake color. The batch became “Oranges” when a Phi Delt brother added too much of what he referred to as “a crucial ingredient.”

Ryan “Schmitty” Schmidt ’12, the brother in question, explained the mistake that led to the discoloration, “I was making reds in the brothers’ room and the batch was almost done. I was in charge of topping it off with the secret ingredient, adding some spice. I’d had a lot to drink and I didn’t realize how much I was adding. Guys kept telling me to stop but by the time I did it was too late.”

Group of ‘14s to start Big Green Beets

Continuing the recent trend of entrepreneurship on campus, a group of eight ‘14s have recently founded Big Green Beets, a delivery service to accommodate Dartmouth’s ever growing demand for organic beets. The company will deliver beets to any room on campus, following the same business plan as wildly successful companies like DartmouthGuard and Big Green Noodles.

RWIT Introduces ‘TSUDY’ Initiative

Yesterday, the Student Center for Research, Writing and Information Technology, or “RWIT,” extended their streak of relevant and astute acronyms by introducing their new “TSUDY” program.

“TSUDY” stands for Taking notes, Studying, and Understanding: from Dartmouth to You. Its goal is to educate students on effective methods of learning but the real story is the acronym itself. With TSUDY, RWIT has solidified its status as campus wordsmiths.

1-on-1 Sequoia Game Allows Players to Tell People that they Played 1-on-1 Sequoia for Remainder of Day

With no other options of what to do on the Sunday afternoon before classes start, Andrew Kartsonis ’13 and Jon Harris ’13 made the logical decision to rack up and play a game of 1-on-1 sequoia in the basement of Alpha Delta fraternity. While the reason for playing the game on a Sunday afternoon was initially in question, it became painfully clear to those who encountered either player that the sole motivation was to later tell people of their 1-on-1 sequoia game.

Harris discussed the game while eating what appeared to be his 3rd order of mozz sticks in Foco*, “It was close, like half-half. I don’t even remember who won, but that’s understandable because I did play 1-on-1 sequoia earlier which is probably like 10 beers. It was just us playing too, one-on-one, because no one else wanted to start drinking so early on a Sunday. People are so soft.”

Dartmouth Officials Push For Play-Off System in Lieu of U.S. News Rankings

Ostensibly due to displeasure with Dartmouth's recent fall in U.S. News' rankings of National Universities, College officials are pushing to create a play-off system to replace the computer generated rankings. In a statement released yesterday, President Kim expressed his frustration with U.S. News, stating, "For U.S. News to believe that a computer can measure the merits of each school is preposterous. We must adopt a play-off system. That's the only feasible way to ensure an accurate final ranking. Give these institutions a chance."

Study Shows High Correlation Between Morning-After Blitzes and Sex the Night Before

A study released today by the Department for Women and Gender Studies and the computer help desk showed a strong correlation between receiving or sending morning-after blitzes and having had sex the night before.

“The origins of the morning-after blitz have been ambiguous for too long”, according to Marjorie Meyer, a WGST professor. “We’ve answered the question, if you’re getting a morning after blitz, there’s a good chance you had sex last night.”

G45: Bike and Hike Shares Inside Joke, Becomes Best Trip Ever

Last week, the funniest thing happened during G45: Bike and Hike. I would try to explain it to you but you’d never understand. Oh My God it was hilarious though. Needless to say, it allowed G45 to forge relationships more stable than the ones they have yet to end with their long distance girlfriends.

“It was a had-to-be-there moment,” said Johnny Kalin ‘15. “Just between me and the best fucking trip ever. And this girl Annie I met at the Lodge. What a cutie.”

Annie Guerra ’15 was going to tell him that every trip found a Canadian Groundfruit, “but why ruin his fun?”

Students Start ‘Big Green Noodles, LLC’

“Students Start ‘Big Green Noodles, LLC’”

Like nearly all Dartmouth students, Bryan Yu was fed up with the lack of authentic ramen noodles in the Upper Valley. Because of this constant dark mark on Dartmouth’s dining scene, he and three other ‘13s started “Big Green Noodles, LLC.” Yu told the Dunyun, “Dartmouth students won’t stand for the cheap ramen sold at Topside, CVS, the Coop or Wal-Mart. What do you want more after a hard day in the library than to get back to your dorm, go to the kitchen, boil some water, and then enjoy some authentic, delicious ramen.” What’s better, Big Green Noodles offers these noodles at an affordable $2.25 per pack, operating on razor thin margins.

Details on ordering authentic ramen at a low, low price can be found here www.biggreennoodles.com or here www.amazon.com.

15's Brother was an '09, No on Cares

Jacob Millinger ’15 arrived for his Section A trip excited to follow in the footsteps of his brother Ethan, an ’09. Jacob explained, “My brother was a pretty big deal on campus. He did a bunch of clubs, was in a frat, you know, all the important stuff. It’ll just be nice to go somewhere where people already know something like that about me.”

Unfortunately, the presence of Ethan Millinger’s brother on campus failed to impress upperclassmen as much as Jacob expected. Even HCroo members, known for their excitement over even mundane things, could only muster a tepid smile combined with a “Ya, maybe”, when he proclaimed, “I’m Jacobs. My brother, Ethan, was an ’09. You probably know him.” However, Millinger did set up a tentative pong date with his “hot trippee” by subtly mentioning, “My brother was an SAE and they all love him there. I could definitely get us on table when we get back.”

At press time, Millinger wasn’t sure “which one SAE is.”

Frisbee Team Drops "Ultimate" from Name

The name change is not expected to decrease the number of annoying people on the green on a nice day.