Study Shows High Correlation Between Morning-After Blitzes and Sex the Night Before

A study released today by the Department for Women and Gender Studies and the computer help desk showed a strong correlation between receiving or sending morning-after blitzes and having had sex the night before.

“The origins of the morning-after blitz have been ambiguous for too long”, according to Marjorie Meyer, a WGST professor. “We’ve answered the question, if you’re getting a morning after blitz, there’s a good chance you had sex last night.”



Meyer said her team wasn’t prepared to answer if other sexual acts, specifically OTPHJs and prostate exams, warranted a blitz, but said that it would most likely be explored in future studies.

Many students were relieved that the matter had finally been cleared up. Sarah Johnson ’13 explained, “It all makes so much more sense now. Sometime I would get this random blitz in the middle of the day from a guy that I barely know asking if I want to get dinner or watch a movie later. Now that I think about it, I probably had sex with him the night before. It’s like the missing link.”

Some ‘15s were confused by the implications of the study. Brody Hoke ’15 told the Dungun, “I always send a morning-after blitzes, just something standard like ‘It was great meeting you last night, hope you had fun. We should hang out some more, any plans today?’ I thought the freshman issue of the D said we’re supposed to send those the morning after we meet people. No idea I was supposed to have sex first.”

The department of Women and Gender Studies is expected to release a follow up study testing any correlation between gender and getting to see the Phi Delt dog.