A Letter from President Kim

March 23, 2012

To the Dartmouth Community,

[Sorry it took me over a month to write you about a campus-wide hazing scandal but less than an hour to tell you about my sick new job offer.] I write to share the news that President Barack Obama [ever heard of him?] has asked me to stand for nomination as president of the World Bank. This is one of the most critical institutions fighting poverty [you know, that shit DDS workers complain about] and providing assistance to developing countries in the world today [plus great photo ops with starving children :)]. After much reflection [repeatedly introducing myself in front of the mirror as president of the World Bank], I have accepted this nomination to national and global service.

When I assumed the presidency of Dartmouth, I did so with the full and deep belief that the mission of higher education is to prepare us for lives of leadership and service in our professions and communities [You may think I’ve used Dartmouth as a stepping stone, but we all know the point of Dartmouth is getting a sick banking job afterwards, don’t hate because mine is better]. While President Obama's call is compelling, the prospect of leaving Dartmouth at this stage is very difficult [difficult to decide which shade of white I want my new business cards in, leaning towards eggshell]. Nevertheless, should the World Bank's Board of Executive Directors elect me as the next president, I will embrace the responsibility.

As Chair of the Dartmouth Board of Trustees Steve [what’s his name, fuck it] Something '78 and I have discussed, if I am elected, our Board will take appropriate steps to ensure continuity of leadership and determine the timing of a search [They will also update their search procedures, adding the question, “do you actually want to be president of Dartmouth College?”]. For now, I remain president of Dartmouth [senior spring bitches!]. Steve and I will keep you informed of the nominating process and timing of a final decision by the World Bank next month [you could also probably read about it in a White House press release, The Wall Street Journal, The Boston Globe, The Economist, The New York Times, and fuck it, maybe even Yahoo! News, I don’t know.]

Sincerely,
Jim Yong Kim
[President Dr.] President, Dartmouth College