Dick's House Renamed "House of Dick"

Dartmouth College Health Services' officials have voted to change campus health center Dick's House's name to House of Dick. DCHS spokesperson, Richard Johnson, commented, "We hate to get caught up in semantics, but we firmly believe that House of Dick gives a chiller, hipper, and more girthy image of our student health services."

All maladies will now be described in the "context of cock" and the center has rallied behind the motto, "Dick Makes You Sick".

Campus physician, Dr. Michelle Fingerhood, elaborated, "Pregnancy will now be known as poked by an unprotected dick. STDs: poked by a dirty dick. H1N1: fucked by swine dick. Strep: blew somebody with strep dick. Hangover: too drunk to get dicked last night."

Dartmouth Health Officials have committed 100% to the change, placing posters of Andy Roddick all over the waiting room (Den of Dick), offering counseling for addicktion, and referring to their practice as "medicksin". The doctors enjoy the change so much that many have begun referring to themselves as "Cocktors".

Cocktor Derick Johns noted, "This is a dream come true. We play the penis game every Friday and I am getting payed to research if girth really matters more. PENIS."

Trojan Brand Condoms funded a "Masturbation Station" which is currently being built in the Weiner Ward. The closed television network has been termed Viagara Vision, the pharmacy will now be referred to as, "The Bone Zone", and a Merger with McNutt is in the works. There is speculation that this merger will result in "size" factoring into admission.

Despite the strong support for schlong, the center's phallic focus plucked some community pubes and a formal protest was filed earlier today.

Gloria Anzal '10, leader of the Sick of Dick movement, argued, "Did this really happen? House of Dick? Our health service sounds like a fucking pick-up line. Would you like to make an appointment at the House of Dick? No, I don't want to fuck you."

Dr. Jesse Sharp, Director of the Dartmouth College Health Services, countered, "Dicks dicks dicks."