After a full three months of gut-wrenchingly embarrassing unaffiliation, Meg Daniels ’12 was able to secure a bid from Delta Delta Delta sorority this week and, in a recent press conference held live on boredatbaker.com, demanded to know whether or not she’s attractive now. Daniels, who dropped out of fall rush and canceled her winter Foreign Study Program after receiving preference night invites to Alpha Phi and Kappa Delta, posted her name at strategic intervals in order to get instant feedback on her new status in the ranks of campus socialites. The posts included “Meg Daniels?”, “Meg Daniels a/d”, “Who are the new Tridelts? I want to bang all of them”, and “Meg Daniels – hot? For the love of god please respond.”
“It’s not that I’m so shallow that I allow what a group of girls and, by association, the rest of campus thinks of my appearance control my every action and emotion,” said Daniels in an interview at Collis Café, “it’s just that fall term really sucked and I’d love to know how much hotter I am now that my sweatpants have letters on the butt.” Indeed, fall sorority rush drew heavy criticism around campus when over 100 girls dropped out due either to sickness or not getting bids from their first-choice houses. For many sophomore girls, including Daniels, Tridelt was a top choice due to its status among the “Big Three” sororities known for attractive members. “I think most of our pledges rush for reasons besides this silly heteronormative ‘rank’ perception,” claimed Tridelt rush chair and Art History major Stephanie Collins ’11, “there’s the sisterhood, and….um….we all really love each other a lot. Oh, and we have tails with Psi U on Friday.”
Despite her newfound self-esteem and sense of social entitlement, Daniels does have some reservations as to how Greek affiliation will affect other parts of her life. After several days of affiliation she has yet to be hit on by a brother at an “A-side” fraternity, a phenomenon Daniels attributes to the lack of time campus men have had to adequately Facebook stalk her for conversation topics. Still, she expressed some concerns about her potential new hookups. “For one thing, I’m nervous that hockey boys and TDX boys will expect me to be really slutty now. Before, I would’ve expected at least a game of pong or two, but I’m worried that now they’ll just grunt at me and point upstairs,” noted Daniels, quickly adding, “not that that might not work or anything.” Daniels also expressed concern over how sorority life would factor into her schoolwork, worried that she’d no longer be able maintain focus and instead spend class time online shopping while allowing the plunging neckline of her “Tridelt Bid Night” v-neck tee to do the work on her male professors for her.
Based on the boredatbaker survey, campus opinion seems divided on the Meg Daniels Hot or Not issue, with posts of her name averaging just over 3 agrees to 1.7 disagrees. Text responses have varied from “UGH I hate Dartmouth you’re all terrible people” to “you don’t know how colorme works, do you?” and “any boys looking to get/give head in the stacks?” Daniels remains optimistic about her own social outlook, however, and plans to spend a large part of the evening walking around first floor Berry and using the workstations to ‘agree’ with her own posts from multiple IP addresses, thereby generating “double facetime.”
“I think first floor Berry’s a good place do to it because I’m pretty sure that I’m supposed to spend my time in the library there chatting with ADs, but not whispering,” she speculated, “and I should giggle a lot so everyone can see my calculated disregard for schoolwork and the library. Man, I’m going to be busy from now on.” Though Daniels does have some regrets about the rush process, she believes that in the end she made the right decision. “I’m really just happy to feel so validated,” the sophomore said thoughtfully, “also I feel much more okay with going after a Sociology degree now.” As of press time, Daniels was sitting in Novack with several friends saying inane things such as “Haiti? Where is that?” in a loud voice and then exclaiming that the statements could “totally be in the ‘Overheards’ – just send it in as ’12 Tridelt.”
-John Merrick '12
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