Sun God Yields to Public Disapproval and Ceases Action

After months of public disapproval and scorn, the Sun God, a.k.a. Jonathan James Recor MALS ’10, has finally yielded to logic and will cease his Master’s thesis, Theater-on-the-Walk, effective immediately.
“I woke up and it was like I had been living in a dream for the past three months. Maybe it was a nightmare? I don’t know. Anyways, I woke up and saw my [email] inbox full of messages telling me why I’m an asshole, columns and comics in the newspaper saying why I’m annoying, and disgusted looks whenever I walk around town. I now know that what I was doing is foolish, and I never should have done it,” said Recor.
In addition to disapproval from the College, residents of Hanover have voiced their concern as well.
Barbara Lasman, 44, a resident of Hanover, said that she was accustomed to taking her daughter, Alice, 7, to play on the Green before Recor started his “performances”.
“I know that he’s a Master’s student or whatever, but whenever I’m around him I feel like he’s either going to kidnap my child or try to indoctrinate us into some cult. Plus, it’s just straight-up creepy.”
Recor said that he wished to take this opportunity to right some of his wrongs and also to apologize for his acts.
“I got caught up in what I was doing, but that doesn’t justify my actions. Doing something in the name of art doesn’t mean it’s OK, and I see that now. I just hope people can one day forgive me.”
Professor Albert Morgan of the Theater department, Recor’s thesis adviser, said that he was glad and “relieved” that Recor had ceased his project.
“When Jonathan was so enthusiastic about what he was doing, I felt some need to encourage him. I wouldn’t be doing my job otherwise. I mean, what am I going to do, tell him to drop out? Now that he’s finally stopped, though, I can breathe a huge sigh of relief. No more lying,” said Morgan.
Critics of Recor’s rejoiced upon hearing the news.
Adam Jones ’10, an outspoken critic, said he nearly cried when he heard.
“There’s art, and that’s one thing, and it’s great. And then there’s just a huge pile of dogs*** that you f****** drop a ****** on and then ****** with your ******* all over a ******’s ******* and that’s what Recor has been doing to art and to this campus. Whenever I saw him around for the past few months, I would try to spit on him or do something else to discourage him. It was my duty as a citizen. I’m glad it finally worked. Today was a proud day for cynics everywhere,” Jones said.
When asked if he had any words of advice for anybody looking to do something incredibly disruptive and foolish in the name of art, Recor said, “Don’t do it. It doesn’t feel good to be a universally-recognized assclown.”