AD ’10 Sinks Last Half, Gets Boner

In the middle of Alpha Delta’s “Fresh Kicks and Horny Chicks” party Friday night, Fred “Fred” Tilton, AD ’10, sank the last half and promptly mustered a formidable erection for all A-side to see.
The sweat-wearing Tilton proclaimed, “I’m so hard right now!” and grabbed his weak-side partner, Lindsay Forzi ’13, for a hearty embrace. The young ’13 thought “hard” was simply celebratory pong speak, but the victory hug proved to her that Tilton had indeed gained some yardage down low.
Forzi whispered to a friend on B-side, “I mean I am pumped we won. But this is kind of awkward now. I think we have to play another game.”
Tilton’s final sink capped off an incredible comeback from “five fulls down”, where he “repeatedly” saved their final half, because “he doesn’t lose to 13s.”Tilton’s competitors, Michelle and Jessica Mitchell, twin ’13 volleyball players, bypassed the customary post-pong hug and immediately left the basement after the final sink. They were reportedly “sort of creeped out” by Tilton’s antics, which included “thrusting on the table after every sink” and “winking a lot”.
Jessica Mitchell later added, “I’m pretty sure that dude was erect too. Nobody’s bulge is that pointed. Gross.”
Michael Roberts ’13, a prospective AD pledge, observed, “Pong gets me going, but this is kind of ridiculous. I don’t see any fire for that wood.”
Stephen Markakis, AD '10, approached Tilton and said, "Dude, relax. You've got a tent up and nobody wants to go camping."
Tilton acknowledged his state of rigidity and asked his partner Forzi, “Do you know how to polish wood?” She confusedly responded, “Um no”, and Tilton waddled over to the piss wall to handle it himself.
Basement sources report that Fred sank the final half in the next game too, but could only summon a semi.