Chi Heorot to Hold Grossest-Themed Dance Party Yet

Chi Heorot has been struggling in recent years. A decade ago, it was the renowned home to the hockey team and campus’s grossest-themed dance parties. Now, it is only home to the hockey team, having ceded the dance party crown to Theta Delta Chi’s weekly “Steaky Dudes and Bottom-Feeding Chicks” party. Somewhere along the way, Heorot also picked up the Heavyweight Crew team, which gives them the distinction for the group with the most boring topic of conversation on campus. Heorot needed help.
When Josh Gilman ’11 was elected Social Chair of Heorot, he vowed to bring the house back to its former greatness. What made Heorot the coolest house on campus, he asked? Not the people, certainly. Simply put, Heorot’s coolness came from the grossness of its dance parties.

“We already have the highlighter party, where a bunch of people draw neon penises on you,” Gilman said. “There’s also the more traditional dance party, where you can see the sweat dripping off the pipes and the dancefloor becomes some sort of perverse amphitheatre of misplaced desire. And every once in a while, we’ll have a foam party that’s guaranteed to give you herpes. But it’s just not enough.”

At Heorot’s weekly meetings on Wednesday, after the regular “competition for who cares the least” part of meetings, Gilman asked for suggestions for the grossest-themed dance party yet. 

Alex Robertson ’10 suggested that all the brothers sit on the benches and use the crowd as a spittoon. This idea was shot down, however, when it was unclear how that was different from any other night at Heorot.

A clear theme of Heorot parties in the past has been marking its prey. A girl coming from the highlighter party is unable to go to any other party, being covered in neon penises. A foamy girl has the same problem. So the new idea would have to mark the girls in some way. And then the idea hit Gilman: throwing feces. The majority of the brotherhood is only one step above primate anyways, so it would be easy for them to defecate on their hands and then throw it around the room. Not only would it be gross, but it would mark partygoers for at least 24 hours.

Heorot’s back, baby.