Abstract Nouns Endorse Katie E. Croo

In a move never before seen in Student Assembly elections, The Council of Abstract Nouns has officially endorsed Katie E. Croo '11 in her presidential candidacy. Abstract nouns have long been a staple of student elections from the Middle School level through College, yet this represents the first time that they have come out in direct support of a candidate.

Cooperation called an emergency meeting Tuesday evening along with the rest of the "Big 7" abstract nouns: Hope, Change, Communication, Dialogue, Originality and Flexibility. Cooperation explained the reason for the sudden meeting, "Croo really impressed us in her second debate. She showed some real commitment to abstract nouns in their purest form, without concrete examples weighing them down."

Communication was a huge supporter of the move, "I get shout outs like this in debates all the time, but most candidates dilute me with pathways for communication. Croo showed an unparalleled commitment to me alone. She wants 'communication with the Board' and 'internal communication'. Most importantly, she knows that I can drive her point home and she doesn't see the need to explain how I would work. This kind of true commitment to us abstract noun rarely exists today."

When asked why the move did not come earlier, especially after her similar showing in the first debate, Hope told the Dunyun, "We were worried that she might pull a 180 and come out with some tangible plans after securing our endorsement, like this was just some trick to gain our valuable support. But after the second debate, we know she's committed, since we make up most of her platform."

Communication took his endorsement a step farther, "Croo even used some next level abstract nouns, like the rarely used 'open dialogue', 'outreach', and 'think tank'. These abstract nouns really impress people, even if they don't know what they mean, and they sure made her look smart."

The Council was tempted to support Barack Obama in his 2008 campaign due to his loyalty to Hope and Change but couldn't come to an agreement due to his stances on "actual issues" such as Iraq and healthcare.

The council had similar problems with one of Croo's opponents who had a "platform with specific plans for changing Student Assembly" and is "definitely not what we're looking for in a candidate" according to Change, "Croo on the other hand, relied more heavily on some of our favorite abstract nouns, Consolidation and Streamlining, in her platform".

Although the Council initially had some trouble understanding that Katie E. Croo '11 was different from the past two Katie E. Croos, whom they refused to back, they eventually went ahead with the endorsement when it became apparent that the current Croo placed more trust in abstract nouns and less in the "actual plans" emphasized in past years.

Originality actively opposed the move to the council, but was overruled in the 6-1 vote.

When asked for comment, a representative from the Croo Campaign classified to the move as a "Game Changer" and told the Dunyun, "We are glad that we can live up to the standards perpetuated by the Council of Abstract Nouns. This is the first step in collaborating and facilitating our way to the presidency through accessibility and empowerment."

- Jayson Doubleday '13