North Korea Project Finishes Project, Disbands

The North Korea Project at Dartmouth College announced yesterday that they are disbanding, having accomplished all of their goals as a student organization. The NKP, aimed to "educate the Dartmouth community of the human rights issues concerning North Korea," arrived at the conclusion that everyone has learned all there is to know about North Korea.

Stephanie Flynn '11, chairman of the NKP, said in an interview with the Dunyun, "We figured we've done all we can. If students still don't know that the situation in North Korea is bad, it's their own damn fault. We blitz out at least twice a day. We sell shit in Novack. And one term we even hosted an event! Consider the Dartmouth community educated.


Ian Crossman '13, Director of Public Affairs for the NKP, claims he will miss working with the other three members of the group. "I learned a lot from those guys.  How to craft a blitz, how to send a blitz, I mean, we just had so much responsibility. But it was worth it. The situation in North Korea may be worse than ever but at least a bunch of college kids know about it."

Crossman was the brainchild behind the largely successful 'ConveyAsMuchInformationInTheSubjectLineAsPossible' campaign. This proved to be a breakthrough in subject line strategy, relegating the ineffective 'please please PLEASE open this blitz' approach to the history books. As one subject line read, 'Did you know that in North Korea it's illegal to listen to music from South Korea?'

Well ya do now.

"We found we could save time by recycling the same body text for every blitz," said Crossman. "Sometimes we would change the date and location of a fundraiser or discussion but that was just for shits and giggles. I wouldn't even open those blitzes."

Several students wondered where their Novack donations were going. "All they do is blitz out and supposedly have discussions. What do they need to buy? Ramuntos?" Flynn confirmed that they "mostly use the money to buy more ingredients for bake sales. We really like bake-sales. Plus I'm pretty sure they have them in North Korea too. I think I saw one on the Kim Jung-Il looking at things website. Kim Jung-Il was looking at it."

Reportedly, when Flynn was asked how the NKP could call their job complete when the situation in North Korea continues, she responded, "Just because the club no longer exists, doesn't make it any less on my resume. Bouta be a third-term senior. All this 'caring about people' stuff is so exhausting."

-Bobby Hoover '14