Number Nine

The Dunyun continues its countdown of the ten most important people at Dartmouth in 2010.

Number Nine: Bribable Formal Bus Drivers

The group of people coming in at number nine on our list of the most important people of 2010 may be the most underrated on the list. Many of us pass by them only four times per term, remembering only one or two. They are the formal bus drivers who somehow don’t notice as 60 bottles of Andre plus various other forms of alcohol make their way onto the bus, knowing that it may not leave the bus despite the fact that it will be consumed.

Ironically, these brave souls dedicate their days to protecting the lives of children but a Benjamin can swing their moral compass 180 degrees. Their calculated ignorance can take formal to the next level and makes those 2 hours at the DOC house bearable.



Social Chair Steven Hansen, who chose to not name his or her house due to pending HPo charges, praised the daring of his bus driver, “Last year we accidentally hired these prudes as drivers, that hour ride was unbearable. Luckily we did our research this year and the SAE formal was a huge success.”

Indeed, the hiring of these bus drivers brought the hook-up percentage to almost 50%, up over twenty points from the previous term.

When contacted by the Dunyun, none of the drivers were aware of their hero status and all but one refused to be named. Sam Harding said that he “loves helping out students” then mentioned something about car payments and heating bills, before adding that he “cant’ wait to see all the Dartmouth students this term.”

So here’s to you bribable formal bus drivers, go ahead and take a huge swig of Andre. No really do it. You won't. Fine, I understand you need to draw the line somewhere. Fine I'll go back to my seat. No I don’t want to be kicked off the bus I'm sorry. Yes ma’am.