Men Hold "D-Day" For Gender Equality

After excellent support for V-Week and V-Day, a group of Dartmouth men decided to seize the gender equality momentum and hold D-Week and D-Day (or Day of Dick). 

D-Day organizer, Richard Dickey '10, told Dunyun reporters, "D-Week is a movement for men and their penises. The goal is to raise awareness for the oppressed male out there, the blue-balled, turtling, penis-wielder who keeps shooting blanks. We hope that throughout this week, men will laugh, cry, and in the end, get off."

D-Week commenced with a talk from porn giant Lexington Steele titled, "Re-Member Me", a touching look into a 12-inch life.

Steele commented afterwards, "It's the least I can do. Men's dicks don't get enough loving these days."

Other events included a screening of "Saving Ryan's Private's", free bush trimmer giveaways, and a speech from a Dick's House nurse on how to turn a hernia check into so much more.

Nathan Oatay '11 enjoyed the "Foreskin Convention" and remarked, "As an uncircumcised man, you encounter a lot of abuse from society. I have been labeled 'unsanitary', 'unhealthy', and 'definitely not Jewish' for years, so it's really nice to meet other flappers out there. Thanks to D-Week, I'm proud of my foreskin."

The week though culminated in a performance of the Penis Soliloquies, a bold look into life with a cock. After the Cockfellas opened the show with a moving cockapella rendition of "She Won't Let Me Fuck" by Afroman, a series of brave men stood up and told their personal penis stories to a balls-out FoCo. Stories were inspirational ("I'm A Grower, Not A Show-er"), emotional ("Whiskey Dick Left Me Nut-Less"), and informative ("Please Change Speeds More"). Sophomore Noah Bahner stole the show though with his soliloquy, "I Really Might Just Be Average."

Director Hugh G. Recht '12 noted, "At first we were just gonna have some guys jerk off on stage. But then my friend volunteered to talk about 'curving to the left' and it exploded from there. There were so many great soliloquies that didn't even make the final cut. I really think we've made men more comfortable with their penises this week, and that was our goal. No homo."

Sponsors for D-Week included RedTube, UGA Condoms, and Vasoline.

*If you would like to donate to V-Day, blitz your DASH# and amount to vday@dartmouth.edu. How can you not like dick's best friend? Vajayjay.