The Dunyun Cures AIDS

“They ain’t never curing AIDS. They can’t even cure Athlete’s Foot!” – Chris Rock

    For decades, The Dunyun has been a shining light of social and political activism. From successfully uncovering the Watergate scandal to giving Monica Lewinsky romantic advice, we’ve always been doing what we can to make the world a better place. We have, however, not been without our critics. There are those who accuse us of “not doing anything” and of “just being mean to people.” However, this chapter in The Dunyun’s life is now in the past. On Sunday, The Dunyun successfully cured AIDS.
    Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, more commonly known as AIDS, is a health problem that has confounded medical experts and devastated the developing world. The disease has killed over 2 million people worldwide. For years, leading researchers have struggled to develop an effective vaccine or cure. The solution, however, is much more simple. All that one needs to do to cure AIDS and save the world is to make fun of shit.
    In lieu of a vaccine, health officials have advocated harm-reduction measures to prevent the spread of the disease, such as abstinence, protected sex, and avoiding intravenous needles. These, however, are all serious buzzkills to which nobody should be subjected. Instead, we decided just to make fun of a bunch of shit until something good happened.  And then, after enough jokes had been cracked, AIDS was miraculously cured.
    According to sources deep within The Dunyun, it was becoming apparent that traditional methods of help were not working. Student groups on campuses around the country have been working for decades to help find a cure, to no avail. Fundraising and spreading awareness only managed to bring hope, but did not find a cure. Even studying for years to become a doctor in the hopes of saving the world was quickly becoming a fruitless endeavor. 
    And so a team of three determined individuals set out to fix the issue in their own way. The core writers of The Dunyun dedicated minutes upon minutes of procrastination to solving the world’s problems. After enough borderline-insensitive jokes were made, CNN reported that AIDS had been eradicated thanks entirely to The Dunyun.
    In between reports from medical professionals on the magical qualities of the cure, CNN aired dozens of photos of citizens of the world, in tears of gratitude for The Dunyun’s tireless work for social change.
    Although it is still early, there is word from Nobel Committee insiders that The Dunyun is a shoe-in for the Peace Prize, following in the great tradition of uncontroversial winners like Henry Kissinger, Yasser Arafat, and Barack Obama.