VOX QUERENTIS “Fraternity Deliberations”

In response to yesterday’s letter from Frannie Mays ’11 (Vox Querentis: Sorority Deliberations), I would like to make a case for why John Q. Dude ’13 should be in our house.

Hey, shut the fuck up! I’m trying to talk!

So, anyways, what was I saying? Oh yeah, Dude. First off, this guy is such a good Dude. You know those guys who you meet, and you’re like, this is just a solid person? That’s Dude in a nutshell. Really nice guy. So solid. Just a nice guy.

“James, does this kid hang out?”

Dude hangs out really hard. Just the other day, I saw him booting on the ground while in between shots in pong. And then he sunk the stem. And then booted more. Dude definitely hangs out. If we called him up right now and asked him if he wanted to play pong, he’d definitely say yes. Sick at pong, too. Did I already say that?

I also bought drugs from him once. Reasonable prices, excellent quality. He would be an “asset” to the house in this way. I’ve smoked with him a bunch of times, and he’s a good Dude.

He’s also friends with a bunch of other guys that we’ve already given bids, so he’ll definitely fit in socially. And I talked to him today, and he said that [frat] is definitely his first choice. That’s why he shook out here.

“Engle, what does he bring to the pledge class in particular? I mean, we’ve heard what a good Dude he is, but what makes him distinct?”

Dude’s really funny. Having a conversation with him is a real pleasure. He’s always making these great sarcastic jokes.

This Dude is already Officer potential for his class. He will be President of this house one day. He embodies [frat].

He also slays with chicks. He hooked up with Patty Welsh ’11—

“That’s this kid? Oh, bid him up!”

Let me say more. He writes for The D—

“Don’t care. Vote?”