Finally, someone has given me a platform to state my feelings about Facebook to a whole bunch of people! I almost didn’t get this chance but then the Dunyun told me they had nothing to publish today, and they follow a strict “no sober after sundown” policy so none of them are available. Anyway, I think I’m pretty funny. The funniest thing I do is spell plural words with z’s instead of s’s—that’s always a hit on the net. I get a lot of likes on B@B with that move. But the Dunyun told me that’s why I never had a date to prom and get bumped from Homeplate tables regularly, so I guess I’m not allowed to do that here. But oh well, this makes me a campus celeb right? I think I know a lot of people. I was proactive by friending them all last summer before freshman year started. People like that! When you show personal interest in them. Facebook is such a great way to meet people and let them look at pictures of you! I make sure never to forget my camera whenever I go out and me and my girls are just crazy. We love dance parties! My favorite part about Facebook is looking at people who are at dance parties. It doesn’t matter if I don’t go myself because that way my shoes stay nice and clean. Who wants to spend an extra thirteen dollars at Kohl’s the next time they go anyway? Not moi! LOL (can I say that here if I don’t use the z?)
One of my other favorite things about the old FB is making my photo albums!!!! My friends and I pose together by kind of falling into each other or falling forward with our mouths open a little like we’re laughing. We look cuter that way! Like we don’t even have enough body mass to support our weight by standing up straight. I always make sure to make a kissy face photo the album cover though. Those are fun and sexy! I love it when I can get someone who’s cool and popular to pose for one of my photos or accidentally walk through the background, because that gives me an excuse to friend and subsequently tag them. Then all their friends will know they’re friends with me too.
I especially like the feeling of having an audience for my socializing. I love that feeling when you write a wallpost that you just know is a real knee-slapper and maybe that boy you have a crush on will see it and think you are cool and funny! Also I can keep track of people I haven’t seen in a long time, like that girl I went to middle school with’s younger brother and all my trippees who are gonna be my best friends for life once they all stop being busy with other plans and midterms and MRIs and surprise termite inspections and whatnot. Those guys are the best! I can’t imagine a world in which I stopped knowing what their favorite bands are or what song lyrics are stuck in their head from day to day. Having a facebook also ensures that a lot more people will remember my birthday every year and make me feel really good about myself! Facebook should seriously change their name to thebombdotcom. You can even link your profile to yours parents and siblings’ profiles, or pretend something outrageous like requesting an “It’s Complicated” with the Sun God! So yeah, that’s what I think about global technological development in the 21st century.
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this is painful.
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