Vox Querentis

The Dunyun is pushing its first birthday, and as a growing baby boy (let’s face it, the Dunyun probably has a dick), it needs to expand its horizons, push its own boundaries, and generally learn how to be more strategically lazy. Thus, we bring you the all-new Dunyun Opinion section, Vox Querentis: The Voice of One Complaining. Think of it like the opinion section of the D, except intentionally funny.

Sorority Deliberations

Um, I guess this is kind of a pro and a con, but, um, well, okay. I feel the three seconds that have passed since a whole room of people was asked for their opinion on someone with whom most people have only had entirely superficial interactions at best was the maximum amount of time I could wait before sharing my own impression of this girl.

I thought she was nice. We had a really great conversation. We talked about how much she liked skiing and how she had a hard time choosing between Dartmouth and UC Boulder for that reason, and we also really like bad reality television shows. I mean, I had a lot of fun talking to her, but I don’t know if, like, if God came down and said I could only take forty girls on the ark and all the rest had to drown to death, I guess I’d probably let her drown. Oh, isn’t her brother in Theta Delt? Yeah, and he’s really cool, I don’t know how many of you guys are friends with him but he’s chill.

Well, anyway, I’ve only heard good things about her from our mutual friends, including my co-trip leader and this guy who always studies near me on first floor Berry. They blitz a lot; I’ve seen it. And judging from his reactions, I think she’s pretty funny. I think she’s looking to get to know older women as well and she would probably be really involved in the house. I get that impression because she said she wants to be really involved in a house. On the other hand, she did mention another house while we were talking—am I allowed to say which?—and I guess that kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

Also, She looked like she was smiling a lot during our song, but she might have been flossing. I couldn’t really tell. Oh, and she’s from my boyfriend’s hometown and she apparently had to go to juvie for awhile because she liked drowning stray kittens. Really quirky. I think she’ll bring a different perspective to the house. You know, when you watch the life leave an animal’s eyes, it really teaches you a lot about embracing the moments you have left. I know we don’t have a lot of time, so I’ll try to be brief, but Linda blitzed me a rec for her too. You know Linda? That girl who’s been inactive for three terms? Okay, here’s what Linda said: “Let’s just say if I could wear one person’s skin for the rest of my life, besides my own obviously, it would be hers. Like, I would drink this girl’s dirty bathwater. If she doesn’t get into the house I will most likely depledge the house and then crucify myself in solidarity with her. Like seriously. She is my number one rush crush and definitely my soulmate. I even got ‘Sandra’ tattooed on my wrist to pay homage to her.”

Oh, we’re talking about Sarah Brown? I thought we were talking about Sandra Brown. Never mind, sorry. I'm so wasted right now.