Anonymous Song Angers Campus with its Jarring Instrumentals and Auto-Tune

Early last week, an anonymous Gmail account with the handle “Expecto Petronus” [sic] sent out a song titled “Out of Control” to the Classes of 2014, 2013, and 2012 (seniors are already that irrelevant, huh?). The song, which featured original instrumentals and Auto-Tune to cover up the voice of the singer, featured lyrics with some political message that had to do with something or other. Maybe something about blowjobs? Who knows. The song, which has been forwarded to almost every undergraduate on campus, has universally angered the student population. Why? The instrumentals and the Auto-Tune really suck.
“My money’s on Phoenix,” said one male member of the Class of 2011 who wished to remain anonymous. “Or maybe the Daughters of Dartmouth. Or some ‘13s who are already bitter about not getting bids to KDE. Whatever. Whoever it is, they should really pay for what they’ve done to this campus. I personally sent the ‘Expecto Petronus’ account a really long blitz telling them why they sucked. The music is just so terrible!”

The ’11 said that he was talking to a ’13 girl in a fraternity this past weekend, and she started humming the tune to “Out of Control”.

“That bothered me. How could she find that tune catchy? And to hum it in a fraternity… To do a fraternity that injustice by introducing such a terrible tune… I almost kicked her out.”

Patricia Young ’14 (reply-to: I heart XH) said that she was mostly confused by the song.

“Do upperclassmen really have nothing better to do with their time? When I came to Dartmouth, I did it because they told me about how talented and kind all the students are here. But what kind of talent would produce a shitty song like that? I mean, really. I feel like I was lied to by the Admissions Department.”

Representatives from all “campus” “feminist” organizations have denied official involvement in the song, although they could just be ashamed of their poor musical abilities. Phoenix, the Daughters of Dartmouth, Cobra, and the Center for Women’s and Gender Studies have all denied involvement. One source who wished to remain anonymous from the Office of the Dean of the College said that the song had all the characteristics of a Brovertones production, but declined to say how s/he obtained this information.

In order to get to the bottom of this issue, The Dunyun contacted Ray Marvin ’97, a music producer in New York. Marvin said he was unsure of the motivation behind the song, but believed it was part of the recent trend of “not cool” songs started by the enormously popular “Bed Intruder” song on YouTube, an Auto-Tuned remix of an Alabama news clip about a man who attempted to rape a man’s sister. The song currently has over 28 million views on YouTube, far outstripping any hope for “Out of Control”.

James Engle ‘11