Students Fail to Read Fine Print of ’11 Class Council Blind Date Offer; Are Bound to Name Lovechild “CC”

The 2011 Class Council has recently offered seniors the chance to go on a free blind date with each other. Students had to fill out a personality questionnaire that was kept “confidential”. Based on this questionnaire, students were matched with other seniors and given gift cards to buy a meal at a dining establishment in town. Students were confused about the reasons behind Class Council’s decision to sponsor awkward blind dates. They were confused, that is, until they read the fine print of Class Council’s binding offer. If a pairing set up by Class Council leads to procreation down the road, the child will legally be bound to be named “CC”. Sources speculate that this is an effort to cement the relevancy of Class Council.

Anticipating that the odds of procreation were low, Class Council utilized students’ ignorance of the fine print to pair up campus couples destined for parenthood. Class Council Vice President Shane Larson ’11 said that she hopes to reach a goal of eleven babies named CC.

“11CC, get it?!?” she said.

Oh, we get it.

Larson went on to say that she got the idea from buildings on campus named after influential alumni or groups, like the new Class of 1978 Life Sciences Center.

“What better way to spread our brand than by having walking, talking billboards?” she asked. “George Foreman spread his brand by naming all his children George and by inventing a new way for fat people to eat bacon guilt-free. We could buy a building, but we’d have to cut back on the quality of alcohol at senior tails, and that can’t happen. Plus, buildings are stationary. A legion of children would be great.”

Potential couples interviewed said that the pressure to name their child has only made a blind date to Dirt Cowboy more awkward, if that’s possible.

“This is the best motivation I’ve ever gotten to wear a condom,” said one male senior who wished to remain anonymous for fear of looking like a tool. “STDs? Doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you. Normal pregnancy? Pull-and-pray. But having a child named after Class Council? God, that would suck.”

Girls interviewed by The Dunyun said it’s the first time they ever wished they were on their period.