Christmas Tree Given “Exempt” Status by PC Police

In a rare display of generosity and warmth, the PC Police voted unanimously this week to give the Christmas tree in the middle of the Green “exempt” status on its political incorrectness. Reasons cited for not making a big deal about the tree are “Christmas spirit”, “not ruining a good time”, and “too busy with finals”.

The PC Police could call out the tree on any number of grounds. The tree promotes a Christian-centric approach, as the most prominent location on campus is given over to a celebration of one specific religion. Other religions rarely get such prominent or long-lasting displays. But the tree in the middle of the Green is just so damn heart-warming, especially when it’s all lit up.

Lindsay Kasey ’11, President of the PC Police, also cited a backlog of other things to complain about for reasons behind letting the Christmas tree slide.

“Look,” Kasey said in an interview in the Choates with The Dunyun. “We’ve heard rumors of a ‘Wizards and Sluts’ party in the works on campus. I also saw a freshman girl drinking a beer in a fraternity basement the other night, and I thought, ‘This is wrong.’ We have way too much to complain about at this time to complain properly about the Christmas tree. So we’re letting it slide. This year, at least.”

Kasey said that other things that would be granted exempt status this time of year include: happiness, hugs, warmth, hot chocolate, puppies, and smiling. These exempt statuses can be revoked, though, if “people abuse our generosity.”

Inter-Fraternity Council representatives were shocked at the news.

“This is literally the first thing in the history of the school that the PC Police has chosen not to complain about,” an IFC representative said. “They complained about Milque & Cookies because it was biased against lactose-intolerant students. They complained about the Easter Egg Hunt on Frat Row because it was prejudiced against blind kids. They tried to burn down Phi Delt because it was prejudiced against anything new school (the secret’s out!). I thought that they would have a field day with this. They never let anything slide…”

Kasey was insistent that this exemption does not mean that the PC Police is loosening up their grip on happiness and fun on campus.

“We fully intend to suck this campus of every ounce of fun until people are scared to even think of funny jokes. We will not stop until this is done. But for now, we just want to look at the Christmas tree, since it seems to help ease the deep unhappiness inside me.”