Dear Stephen

Dear Stephen,

As a rookie at Dartmouth, I just realized that my DBA doesn't roll over this summer. I currently have $762.38 in FoCo and $42.99 on the Topside. What would you say are the best ways to spend this?

Never Hungry,

Frankie Fresh '13

Dear Frankie,

Ah, this is the cruel irony of the Dartmouth Dining Experience. We pay $12 for jello but we're still left with extra. Here are some simple strategies to get through that cash:

1. Buy all the condoms at Topside. The cashier will look up at you for half a second before trying to multi-task with her IPod, laptop, and price scanner. And then wonder why she can't find the bar code. Oh yeah, in that milli-second she looks up, wink and go, "Oh yeah. Oh yeah." You're the man.

2. Treat all your fraternity brothers to Jo-Yos at FoCo. When the Grill Guys hear 40 Jo-Yo orders in a row, you'll single-handedly shut down the Grill for an hour. And they'll be pissed. Long live the Hop.*

3. At Homeplate, point at the person on the opposite side of the register and go, "I've got you." It's a wonderful gesture with a friend and a great ice-breaker with a stranger.

4. Purchase all the gum from Novack except that awkward BubbleMint flavor. When people ask you for a piece of gum, give them a whole pack. Ivy League lifestyle.

5. Buy a 30 of Odwalla from the Hop. For Meetings.*

6. Buy out all the Chobani yogurts and sell them outside Kappa. Turning the BIg Green plan into real green.

7. Purchase the East Wheelock snack bar (valued at $500) and tell the employees to vacate the premise. It's your land now.

8. Make it a point to go to the Hop during your 10A break. I don't care if you're in Moore.

9. Buy every single breakfast sandwich and listen to Collis Ray yell, "Are you challenging me boy?"

10. Pay for Gusanoz with your Dartmouth Card. Jim will make it work. Promise.

*Correction-You're not in a frat.

*My mistake. Still not in a frat.

Get there,

Stephen Briggs '12