'13 Has "Worst Week Ever"

“Life’s a bitch and then you die”

-NAS

Robbie Friedman ’13 has officially completed the documented “worst week ever.” Despite the fact that he is only a freshman, Friedman decided that his week was indeed the consensus “hardest week that anyone has ever had at Dartmouth.” 

Friedman’s roommate Xander Solomon ‘13, a pre-med two-sport athlete taking 4 classes, agreed that Friedman probably had the worst week ever, “I’m not exactly sure what he had going on but from the amount I heard about it, it seemed like he had more to do than any week I’ve ever had to deal with.”

Vanessa Koppel ’13, tried to reach out to Friedman when he seemed stressed earlier in the week. She took a break from studying for her exams in CHEM 12: Weeding Out Freshmen and HIST 95: All of Time to bring him a rice krispie treat from Novack but he just told her to “leave” because “you physically cannot understand what I'm dealing with.”

The title of worst week ever was previously held by Landon Eckstein ’02, who had to write and defend two theses and take an exam while simultaneously playing in the NCAA tournament with the baseball team in Kansas. When contacted about the loss of his title by the Dunyun, Eckstein commented, “I can’t imagine how hard this kid’s week must have been. That was the only time I’ve ever had a mental breakdown and I’ve now been through med school and residency. My heart goes out to him.” 

Friedman commented on the circumstances that led to this being the certified worst week ever, “It’s not just the workload but the fact that it’s right after Green Key. Obviously I'm going to go out Monday through Saturday so you can’t expect me to get anything done then.” He went on to further describe his problems, “It’s like the world had my nuts in a vice. Twice I forgot to set my alarm and ended up taking 4-hour naps in the afternoon. I ran out of Topside from buying 5 Hour Energy shots. I even got blacklisted from EBAs.”

When polled through Survey Monkey under the pretenses “PLEASE HELP US PASS GOV 10”, 23 of the 26 freshmen respondents had heard of that fact that Friedman was in the midst of the worst week ever. Popular spots to hear him complaining included First Floor Berry and The Green.

When asked for her thoughts, Friedman’s UGA was unsure about her resident’s new distinction, “I thought he had the worst week ever last week. If not then he definitely had the worst week ever twice last term. Maybe I'm just confused?”

Although Friedman refused to tell the Dunyun exactly what constituted the worst week ever because he “didn’t want to make other students feel inadequate,” investigative journalism revealed a presentation for his first year seminar, LING 7: Grammar, entitled “The Three Types of Proper Nouns”. When pressed for what else the week entailed, Friedman asserted, “you can’t even imagine.”

When asked how he felt about the end of the worst week ever, he replied, “I just hope I’ll never have to deal with a week like this again.”