‘10s Going to Miss Dartmouth; Dartmouth Not Going to Miss ‘10s

With Green Key Weekend right around the corner, the Class of 2010 will soon be experiencing the annual wave of nostalgia that hits the senior class as they close in on their graduation date. ‘10s will reflect on the four years that they have spent at Dartmouth, and the close bonds that they have made with classmates, peers, professors, and the town of Hanover, which includes Jim Gusanoz. The one thing that they do not realize, though, is how little Dartmouth is going to miss them.

“Just fucking graduate already,” said Mark Lafferty ’11, the House Manager of his fraternity. “If I could take a shovel and move these assholes out of the house, I would. I have a little calendar set up in my room with X’s counting down the days to graduation. That’ll be the happiest day of my life: when I never have to deal with those fat pieces of shit ever again.”

This sentiment was reflected across the entire ’11 class, whose members have been taking the reins of campus organizations for the past year. Many feel that the ‘10s are “dead weight,” “not contributing anything of value at all,” and “just general asshats.”

The apathy of the senior class is a cruel cycle. When the ‘10s assumed positions of power in campus organizations last year, they had to deal with the laziness and sense of undue entitlement that their predecessors, the ‘09s, had. Now that they are out of the positions of power, they feel that it is their “right” to sit on their asses and complain about everything, just because they can.

No organization is exempt from these feelings of resentment to the graduating class. From Greek houses to publications, senior societies to Chill Winds Societies, AGORA to the Generic Good Boring Message, everybody just wants the ‘10s gone.

It also seems that the ’10 class has selective memory when it comes to how they will be remembered. They think in smug self-satisfaction of the way that they looked at the ‘07s, ‘08s, and ‘09s when they were seniors, neglecting to remember how much they grew to despise them as senior springers and then, as chafey alumni. They forget the curses under their breath against the beached whale status of seniors in social spaces, or just how little anybody cares that your DBA has run out. So please, just graduate already.

P.S. Pay your dues, you assholes.