Dear Stephen

Dear Stephen,

The Dunyun makes me giggle so much and I have Disagreed on all Berry computers with any negative Bored At Baker posts. I posted yesterday, "The Dunyun, more like the Funnyun" and it looks like oh someone Trashed it. Wait, Michelle is not fat; this site is mean.

I am in a pretty funny situation though and need some advice from my favorite Dunyun writer. I can't find a Stephen Briggs in the DND entry; who are you? Are you cute? I also notice you haven't written a real Dunyun in 3 weeks; where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever since you've been gone.

But here's my question: Hanover High School prom is this Friday and this total dink just asked me. By his Facebook page, it looks like he peddles porn to freshmen (at least this means he's 18), runs "track", and only interacts with girls on field trips. And his Facebook default is a picture of Tom Cruise with the tag "Doppelganger?", followed by a girl's comment, "Nope." Basically, he's a B-side high schooler, that's okay to round to bumped from a table at Novack for a study group? 9 Agrees.

I also think we're having Tiger Tails with GDX Saturday, where one brother dresses up as Tiger Woods and we all have to try to hook up with him throughout the night. One of our sisters is designated Elin and if she spots us hooking up, there's a 15 minute penalty, and Tiger's free to roam again.

I have been to Derby, formals, semi-formals, the Hop, but never Hanover High School prom and that's why I'm coming to you. You've got to let me know. Should I stay or should I go? Tiger Tails sounds fun, but we just had Library Tails with them, where we all met in the Stacks. Yeah.

What should I do Stephen?

Love,

Kelly Kappa '11

Dear Kelly Kappa,

Thanks for all the Bored @ Baker love. It really is how we moderate our status and there's only so many times I can post, "Stephen Briggs is the funniest."

And I'd like to apologize for the secrecy, but yes, I'm pretty cute, kind of look like a mix from the raccoon from Madagascar and McCauley Caulkin, post-drugs, pre-Mila Kunis.

I am not going to address my 3-week break, other than "frat frat frat H1N1 frat frat frat."

Now to your situation; I looked up this kid on Facebook and his Mom owns EBAs and his sister is that maybe, sometimes, not really, okay it's late, hot waitress. This is your chance to enter the EBAs Fratinum Club and permanently get $5 Medium Cheese pies. You have to do this.

Let him pick you up, meet all his friends, offer to take them to frats "another weekend", give him a quick peck during the slow dance (also known as a Heorot Handshake), and then head over to Tiger Tails, Fratinum Card in hand.

We're all with you here at The Dunyun. Thanks for sharing.

Best,

Stephen Briggs '12