Fashion Report: Penis-Sleeves

Every spring, warm temperatures allow female students to ditch their winter coats in favor of more revealing clothing options. It's a sight that brings a smile to the face of every blue-blooded son of old Dartmouth.

This year, campus men have responded in kind. Males everywhere are beginning to shed their clothes in favor of light, breathable penis-sleeves.

One could think of a penis-sleeve (or PS) as sort of like a sock except it's form fitting and on the penis.


Clothing manufacturers have capitalized on their growing popularity by releasing hundreds of different styles and materials onto the market. Among the most popular PS's for everyday-wear are cotton and, for Dartmouth students, flannel.

But there is a PS for every occasion. Headed to the gym? Spandex was made for PS's. Going out tonight? Just slip on that seductive zip-up PS and catch the eye of your Italian class crush. Speaking of Italian, do you like leather?

To promote safe sex, Sexperts has been giving out PS's that look like condoms. Some campus groups have called these see-through PS's "inappropriate" and "definitely illegal." But most students can't help but be swept up in the fun, free-balling ways of the PS trend.

Similar to how the sundress has revolutionized springtime for girls, the penis-sleeve will give guys a quick, easy, and not to mention flirty option for warm days.

The Dunyun went to the Green to interview students on the phenomenon: "I've been waiting for Penis-sleeve Day all winter!" said Suzie Howe '14, referring to the one day a year when half of campus guys seemingly coordinate to break out the PS's. Watching a group of PS-donned men tossing a Frisbee, Howe was impressed. "Like, where did all these hot guys come from? Where have all these abs, legs and scrotums been hiding?"

Frisbee-tosser Jeff Tempchin '13 emphasized to The Dunyun just how comfortable his PS is. "It's so easy too, I just hop out of bed, slip it on and I'm good to go," said Tempchin between glances at Howe. A friend of Tempchin's later reported that Tempchin had been working out his butt all winter for this day.

The friend, who wished to remain anonymous, also emphasized that PS's have caused problems within his Greek organization. "Some of us have had mysterious charges on our credit cards from major penis-sleeve retailers."

A brother later reported that he had observed one of the missing PS's on Tempchin's bed but it turned out to be a used condom. "Whoops," said Howe.