Cordial Conversation Leads to Marginal Friendship

A conversation in the Russell Sage 3 bathroom last week has blossomed into a marginal friendship when hall-mates Matt Witkin ‘14 and Chris Sener ’14 were serendipitously brought together by a shared need to brush their teeth. Generic conversation ensued.

Witkin and Sener had first met on move-in day when Witkin’s mom confronted Sener about a possible friendship with her son. “She sort of pushed me into his room and forced the introduction,” Witkin reported to the Dunyun. “He seemed nice enough but his mom freaked me out. She kept squeezing my arm and smiling at Chris. I told him I liked his Family Guy poster and left. I guess we haven’t really spoken since.”

That all changed when the two occupied adjacent sinks Wednesday morning. Sener recalled the proceedings: “I saw him walk in and was like, ‘Hey Matt!’ Stupid I know. I should’ve gone with ‘Sup,’ or ‘Your hair looks nice today,’ but clearly it worked out alright.”

“Oh hey Chris, how are you?” Witkin responded.

Small talk be damned, Sener shot back, “Pretty good. You?”

“Good.”

“That was definitely the tensest part,” Witkin later reported. “There was an ambiguity of who, if anyone, should speak next. And once toothpaste went to mouth, any progress our conversation had made would go to shit. I couldn’t let that happen. We had come too far.”

Witkin eventually spoke up, asking Sener how his term was going. From there, the conversation took off. The two adventurous ‘14s covered themes from “what classes are you taking?” to “do you like them?” to “did you see Family Guy last night?”

Any hope of real progress was cut short by a focal shift to dental hygiene. (Witkin was running late to his 11, Socy 9: People Doing Things).

Still, considering the obvious time constraints, it would be off base to call their conversation anything less than a success. Said Sener, “We may not be there yet, but I foresee hellos in the Hop grill line. Maybe with a funny line about how there’s snow in April.”

Witkin seemed less concerned with forging new friendships, “Fuck it, I’m about to be in a frat.” But his longing eyes belied a deep-seated need for camaraderie, fraternal or lavatorial.

As of publication, there are prospects for a joint Topside run in the near future, as both are running low on dental floss.