Ludlow Lost

Well, Ben Ludlow lost. It’s a sad day for anybody who loves America and is friends with Jim Gusanoz. The write-in campaign never really got off the ground, but that’s OK. We sincerely hope that next year’s SA Administration reach out to Ludlow and his supporters in order to better enact the changes that Dartmouth needs. 

Despite the fact that the Dartmouth student body is dumb and elected not-Ludlow, Ben plans to organize a bus to head down to Bonnaroo to “just hang out.” He also pledges to revive the “Tubestock” tradition, although nobody has any idea how he’s going to do that from off-campus.

The Dunyun has its personal theories on why Ludlow lost. The most obvious one is the flawed online voting system that EPAC used, which caused voter fraud and improper practices of democracy. Several other students had the blitz nicknames “Derp”, “Snaj”, and “Bloodz”, which inhibited voters from referring to him by “the name the people chant for [him].” In addition, although it had nothing to do with his race, Ludlow noticed that the name of one of the Green Key Society candidates was misspelled, which could have had ripple effects throughout the entire system, demonstrating a lack of voter confidence in the ballot. Maybe. 

Another theory on why Ludlow lost is that Dartmouth doesn’t hang out like it used to and nobody rages anymore. 

Due to this crippling victory to the “Choo” movement around campus, there will not be Xbox 360’s installed in Collis next year. Nor will the Hop install flat-screen TVs tuned only to ESPN and the Food Network. Subtitles only. 

When asked for comment by The Dunyun, Ludlow said, “My opponents ran a good race. For that matter, my opponents ran a race, which is really admirable. They’ve also been involved with SA in the past, which is cool too, I guess. I’m sure they’ll do some good shit while they’re in office.”

Ludlow didn’t cry when he lost. He thought about it, though.