Stuff Dartmouth People Like #3

The BCC: Not since the invention of the three-way phone call has any feature allowed such sneaky inclusion of uninvited guests into a private exchange than the BCC. Blitzmail is an especially useful e-mail server for the BCC, since the whole highlighting-then-responding function is so innate to anyone who’s made it past freshman winter that we forget about covering our tracks. This highlighting function means any number of third parties or even your entire frat can get a front row BCSeat to your shitty flitzing, as well as the pathetic emoticons you get in response (warning: emoticons = desperation. Bitch will cling). You can even BCC yourself on your own blitzes when you’re just so sure that that dick joke was the wittiest and you want a quick way to revisit it. Also, if you mention on your croo application that you always BCC yourself on blitzes, you automatically get chosen. Your self-promotion game is top-of-the-line. I would congratulate you but I’m sure you’ve got it covered.


However, the BCC is a very dangerous tool. Anyone could create entire false realities by highlighting a normal blitz question like “Can I get your notes from class?” changing it to “Make me say please like a prison inmate,” then BCC’ing all their friends on a response like “sorry, playing pong in a few. i guess you can watch.” You might think it was a kind of weird joke and laugh it off; meanwhile dudes are pointing at you in Home Plate and imagining your filthy ass in handcuffs.

Don’t let the BCC happen to you! Once people catch onto it, they are shameless assholes about it. Nothing is off-limits to share with anyone they so choose. Let me give you some examples:

Date: 10 Jan 2011 16:23:41
From: catty bitch
Subject: our gold-digging whore friend
To: hapless catty bitch
Bcc: our gold-digging whore friend
---

--- You wrote:
like i know she has her heart set on kappa but we just can’t overlook the fact that she freezes used condoms of guys with trust funds. thats gross
--- end of quote ---
no i totally understand where you’re coming from. its just we’ve been BEST FRIENDS since FRESHMAN YEAR but like I guess kappa’s more important to you now or whatever that’s fine
--- End of message ---

The BCC can be hilarious too, a way to get all your friends in on the joke:

Date: 21 Feb 2011 9:59:38
From: post-hell-night pledge
Subject: Class today
To: Professor Oblivious
Bcc: fr@t
---

--- You wrote:
Hi Professor-
I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be able to make it to our 10 today. I think I have the stomach flu so I’m on my way to Dick’s House now. I’ll be sure to get notes from someone else in the class and I’m sorry to miss it. See you on Wednesday.

Best,
Still booting up spaghettios through my nose
--- End of message ---

The BCC can also be functional in a cute way. Think Laguna Beach prom episode cute. Except subtract all the tan, add twenty pounds, and then multiply by fratty indifference:

Date: 27 Feb 2011 12:36:13
From: Cutesy bro
Subject: formal
To: Other bro
Bcc: that hot ’13 kde
---

--- Other bro wrote:
so who are you thinking about taking? i could ask sally but shes been trying to wife me up way too intensely since we hooked up in the bg basement bathroom. bad news.
--- end of quote ---

I’m definitely asking that hot ’13 kde.
--- End of message ---


The CC is a totally different ballpark. The CC is only for business purposes, or for people with no sense of humor. In short, only failures use the CC:

Date: 25 Feb 2011 11:38:54
From: momma's boy
Subject: this isn't cool
To: pwned
CC: My mom
---

--- You wrote:
i hate it when it gets randomly warm because then everything is just wet and nasty
--- end of quote ---

that's how i feel about your mom
--- end of quote ---

YEAH HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HER NOW ASSHOLE?

--- End of message ---

Good one. You’re still a virgin.