Stuff Dartmouth People Like #1

Stuff Dartmouth People Like #1

*Now commences a new Dunyun segment, completely based off the site StuffWhitePeopleLike.com. We'll start at #1 and keep going until we get bored. Any suggestions, please send to the GGMM.

#1 The Magical No-Line at Novack In Between Classes
You scheduled the classic 10, 11, 12 this term to satisfy your hang-out needs. And of course, you've been sleeping 'till 9:30...then 9:35...then 9:40...then 9:45...then 9:50...then showering...then getting there at 10:01 because it's in Rocky. Huge win but there's a major issue, no breakfast bro. You're starving at about 10:42 and consider scooting out to the vending machine but shit, shit, you're out of DA$H and who really carries 1 dollah bills? Peasants.

Clock hits 11:05 and you roll out, next class is in Wilder or don't care where. You need to deal with this hunger now--another 65 without the nosh and you'd probably resort to eating an entire pack of gum and/or making out with a fat chick. Time to go to Novack: Where Snacks Live ™, the perfect in-between place to stuff your face. You stride down that narrow hallway, PUMPED to get a roll or three and then it hits you. Look at that fucking line, it's looping around the Computer corner and you don't see a contact anywhere closer.

Also, cutting the Novack line is a savage and rather rare activity, reserved only for BGs or annoying-ass girls who know the "staff". The BGs order Green Tea, the grim soup or Cu!!er and the girls don't get anything, just chat in that center spot, make you stand awkwardly behind them and get yelled at by their annoying staff-member-friend who's trying to learn how to Dougie while making you a Hot Pocket and fucking up both.

"Are you ordering anything?" yells Sassy Sarah.

"Oh yeah, umm just a water and umm this gum," responds Rattled Rick.

This lengthy line always dooms the Hungry Man (or Woman), for it's simply too overwhelming to see and you end up bouncing to your 11, still hungry, still honaaaay, still unsatisfied. You encounter a similar predicament in between 11s and 12s and nearly decide to just cut, but fuck that, you're no BG. You push through until a 2 PM lunch, where you "try" to crush a Subway sandwich too fast and fill up after bite two. You're so hungry and it hurts so much. Goddamnit Novack. Goddamnit.

But that leads me to that most glorious of moments, a true Dartmouth moment. That random time you're maybe let out a little early by your 10, 11 or 12 or maybe nobody on campus is hungry.  You roll through that narrow hallway, hungry as Huck and boom, no line, no cutting BeeGees--it's just you, Novack and the SA President working pro-bono for the humble campus snack shack. It's so sweet, you can order whatever you want, maybe even quickly eat it there and then get to your next class right on time. Still not prepared, but not still hungry. Amen.

They're playing that frat-song you like a lot back there and the Waiter asks you, "Welcome to Novack. How can we make today happier for you?"

Feeling good, feeling confident, head of the line, top of the mountain, you respond, "Why thanks for asking. I'd love the fruit cup, maybe that Roast Beef sandwich, two rolls and I'm gonna grab an Odwalla. If that's alright."

Of course it's alright. You get all that good nosh, fulfill your hunger and probably even participate for once in your 11. This is the makings of happiness. This is the stuff Dartmouth people like.

*Additional thought. Wouldn't it be sick if Novack had a really delicious Chicken Noodle Soup and served it everyday? Enough of this Tomato Surprise. The only Surprise is the color it changes my dookie.

-Stephen Briggs '12