Instead of toying with students to faculty ratios or sending out more mailings to high school juniors, he decided the best approach was to take an in depth look at college in the top ten to see what Emory was doing wrong. He decided to do this in the most inconspicuous way possible, sending a ring of Korean spies posing as a “documentary” crew to report on Dartmouth.
President Wagner scrapped his initial plan to infiltrate Princeton when a ring of Russian spies was apprehended nearby in New Jersey. Dartmouth was a logical second choice, since a band of Asian spies toting video cameras would not at all seem out of place in Hanover.
Under the guise of a documentary about either Jim Kim or his kids, Schapiro instructed the spies to record everything that they deemed to be “Dartmouth.” He explained, “We want to be able to copy everything about the place: how classes are taught, how much they drink, what brand of solar powered trash compactors they use, where they have sex, anything that can at least get us in the top fifteen.”
However, the “documentary film crew” had trouble flying under the radar, as several students were uneasy about their excessive filming. Maye Glisson ‘13 explained, “At first this guy was just filming my history lecture, no big deal, but then he filmed me taking notes for a solid twenty minutes.”
Stanley Malone ’11 had an even stranger interaction with one of the spies, “I was hooking up with my TA and all the sudden I hear a knock at the door and it’s this guy holding a video camera. At first I thought it was the guy from Dateline but she’s definitely 22. When I finally let him inside he asked if he could film us ‘interacting.’ Whatever he meant by that, it was fucking creepy.”
Some students have expressed concern over what the purpose spies' footage, "I was just refilling my large Fresca ginger ale after I drank the whole cup in the grill line, getting ready to go check out with my second order of chicken nuggets." recalled Frank Kane '11. "Just minding my own business. Then I see this guy with a camera fixed on me. I thought maybe DDS was actually making an effort to break even by stepping up security so I freaked out and ran. Now I'm too scared to steal Cheez-its from Collis more than three times a day."
When questioned on the green about their reasons for being on campus, one member of the film crew stared blankly while the other quickly took out his camera and took a close up of this Dunyun writer’s t-shirt.
The spies are expected to be on campus through next week when “filming” ceases. Emory has thirds on making the U.S. News and World Report top 15, but expects to be bumped at least twice.
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