The Dunyun 102

102 Things to Do before you Graduate

1) Boot.

2) Break up with your boy/girlfriend from home now and save yourself some time.

3) Share personal information with random people in your building during orientation; never speak to them again.

4) Heckle aggressively at a sporting event not conducive to heckling.

5) Argue with a DDS employee about the definition of "stealing."

6) Touch the fire...and by that we mean hook up with a ginger.

7) Leave your 10A to boot in the bathroom.

8) Stacks.

9) Listen to Filligar.

10) Sit in a chemistry exam. Midway through, tear up your exam and run out yelling "Fuck it, I don't want to be a doctor."

11) Goodsam that trippee who pretends they don't recognize you.

12) Get hit with a frisbee while walking through Collis.

13) Apologize for partying.

14) Make fun of someone for being on Dimensions or a Croo.

15) Hook up with a mistake.

16) Be somebody else's mistake.

17) Spend hours picking your classes freshmen fall. End up taking Econ 1, Psych 1 and Writing 5.

18) Buy condoms from a vending machine.

19) Spike the tea at Sanborn.

20) Donate blood instead of pregaming.

21) Take the Baker-Berry bathroom tour.

22) Join an a capella group (just kidding).

23) Send a blitz that ignites a campus-wide controversy.

24) Smoke a joint with the Robert Frost statue.

25) Invent fake reasons to apply for interim housing, like "The Brovertones."

26) Get a boner dancing the Salty Dog Rag. Tuck it.

27) Watch longingly with an arm outstretched while watching the 4 brothers behind the bar chug beers.

28) Talk about how much you hate Theta Delt.

29) Go there anyways.

30) Get Collis Ray to be the godfather of your kids.

31) BEMA.

32) Subscribe to the Daily Dunyun.

33) Lower your standards.

34) Get a slice of pizza from your floor meeting, then leave.

35) Reply-all. We care what you have to say. We really do.

36) Sit down with Tuckies in Byrne and start complaining about the economy.

37) Befriend Jim Gusanoz. Do it.

38) Become a drug dealer (please?)

39) Top of the Hop.

40) Fall on your ass on the ice and fight back the tears, but it hurts so much!

41) Go to Hanover High prom.

42) Attempt to convert somebody to the sexual preference required to hook up with you.

43) Spend hours, days, weeks talking with your buddies about block-rushing Zete and totally "running shit" from Day 1. All shake-out AD.

44) Pick a side in the Arab-Israeli conflict by favoring one side of the Pavilion.

45) Pressure a sober kid into driving you to Fort Lou's.

46) Fart while receiving oral sex.

47) Tell your friends from home that Dr. Seuss went here.

48) Try to rent porn from Jones Media Center.

49) The Green.

50) Go through rush and corporate recruiting "just to see." Then join a house and take that job offer.

51) Get yelled at by your mom for cutting the sleeves off all your shirts.

52) Wait out a line of five.

53) Invent illnesses to tell professors. We recommend diarrhea; they won't ask any more questions.

54) Struggle when the grill guy asks you for the "magic word." Hint: It's fucking please.

55) Take a nap.

56) Realize that a dance-floor makeout means nothing. Suddenly feel inadequate.

57) Take a professor out to lunch and hit on him/her.

58) Pretend you got mono from hooking up. Just pong.

59) Hone your stalking skills: DND, Facebook, Dartmouthsports.com.

60) Criticize Keystone, keep drinking.

61) Take a shit on top of Mt. Moosilauke.

62) Get fat.

63) Listen to sex noises from a back room.

64) Hope it snows...and by that we mean hope that a new cocaine shipment arrives in Hanover.

65) Spend more time calculating what grade you need to hit your NRO than studying.

66) Lower your standards...significantly.

67) Send a morning-after blitz.

68) Don't send a morning-after blitz.

69) Pretend you've never heard of cantaloupe. We just think that would be funny.

70) Search your name on Bored at Baker. Realize you accidentally submitted your name. FUCK.

71) 50 Yard Line.

72) Try to get a sandwich named after you at the Hop. Fail. You're no Billy Bob.

73) Knock over cups on a throw save. Don't offer to help clean it up.

74) Steal a black northface when you're drunk. Keep it in case someone steals your bike and you need to offer a reward.

75) Leave your mark on campus by excreting some sort of bodily fluid onto the Sphinx.

76) Request "The Thong Song" from the belltower.

77) Wake up when it's already dark outside.

78) Black in at Club Electra.

79) Repair the Green Print and be a hero for 10 minutes.

80) Steps of Dartmouth Hall.

81) Upper deck a Psi U toilet. Fuck those guys.

82) Figure it's time you settle down and start looking for a relationship. Hook up with that freshman.

83) Pick up the D, read the Overheards, don't forget to recycle.

84) Poach someone else's EBAs.

85) Make better friends from Diversions than DOC.

86) Pose nude for Joseph Mehling '69 a la Kate Winslet in Titanic.

87) Fellate a professor during office hoursíƒ∂metaphorically.

88) Get treated for Swine Flu at Dick's House with a cherry-flavored popsicle. Feel better.

89) Get upset when someone steals your stolen bike from FoCo.

90) Abandon your standards.

91) Wake up in a someone else's bed...without their knowledge or permission.

92) Take advantage of someone for their room draw number.

93) President's Lawn.

94) Join the ten-foot-high club on the Dartmouth Coach.

95) Get COSO funding for a totally bullshit club, such as "Dartmouth Students for the Acceptance of 3rd Nipples," "Dartmouth Fights Tooth Plaque," or "the Brovertones"

96) Crush some freshmen in pong, win by 2 fulls.

97) Steal a composite. Paste a picture of your family inside. Return.

98) Go to the apple orchard/Derby/polar bear swim and think only about taking pictures for Facebook.

99) Hate everyone.

100) Confuse Advance Transit with the AT. Congratulate yourself on completing the AT when you get let off at the Hop.

101) Squander opportunities you don't deserve in the first place.

102) Rally.