New Sorority Sister “Actually Not a Bitch”

Shelley Keller ’14 was so excited to become a part of Kappa aka “the best sisterhood ever” aka “11FinallyImInASorority.” However, she was shocked to learn that Hannah Lee ’14 aka “that raging bitch from my freshman floor” was to be her new sister.

But after an evening of giggling, jungle juice, and debating just how badly KDE/TriDelt lost rush, Lee and Keller were “like seriously, best friends.” In an interview with the Dunyun, Keller insists that she judged Lee unfairly for screaming in the hallway at 4 AM and asking Keller if she “really needed that second fro-yo?”

“You just need to get to know her,” said Keller. “Hannah is actually SO NICE. I’m so so glad that we’re sisters.”

As of press time the Dunyun’s research team has been working hard to understand the mysterious bond that forms as soon as two girls are chosen by the same sorority.

In conversations around campus, Keller has categorized all of her new sisters as either ‘hilarious,’ ‘really sweet’ or ‘so amazing,’ leading friends of Keller to believe they are in for a series of vaguely awkward blind dates.

“I may have preffed KDE, but clearly I was destined to be a Kappa,” said Keller. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious that KKG crushed rush.”

Keller can’t wait to head to Katie Whitmire ’13’s room to get ready for tails tomorrow. “Katie is so amazing,” said Keller. “I think she wants to be my big. Plus she’s dating a Theta Delt. Hello friends.”

Along with the rest of campus, Keller and Lee spent today casually perusing bored@baker and the sorority google doc “just out of curiosity.” Snarky comments were held until after they made their way through the lunchtime Collis zoo.

In other news, ’14 guys are enjoying their last couple days of swag for a very long time.