Indifference Shows Early Lead in SA Presidential Race

“Some people say I'm indifferent, but I just don’t care.” -Bobby Cox

Following the formal announcement of Student Assembly presidential campaigns by two students, polls indicate a close race between the two candidates. However, polls also indicate that both trail indifference by a hefty margin.

While twelve percent of the student body supported Candidate #1 That No One Really Knows or Cares About and nine percent showed support for Candidate #2 That No One Really Knows or Cares About, a whopping sixty-eight percent showed a decided indifference towards the race. Eleven percent of students were undecided but were though to be leaning towards indifference.



If indifference were to carry its lead to victory, it would be the eight time in the last ten years that it had won the SA election.

Students really seemed to identify with indifference and what it could bring to SA. Jeffrey Harris ’12, interviewed while standing in front of the Hinman boxes in the grill line at the Hop, threw his support behind indifference, declaring, “Are we having elections this year?”

However, Stanley Wilson ’14 was less enthused about indifference, “I'm pretty sure he’s a Phi Delt and I don’t know if I want a Phi Delt running SA.”

Both the IFC and Agnostics of Dartmouth are believed to be on the cusp of endorsing indifference. The D was strongly against the idea, citing “the need for relevance.”

When asked what he planned to do to overcome indifference, Candidate #1 That No One Really Knows or Cares About was excited to explain his extensive plans to improve SA and “vanquish indifference.” Indifference is thought to be second only to Candidate #1 That No One Really Knows or Cares About in potential reasons for a loss by Candidate #1 That No One Really Knows or Cares About in the election.

Candidate #2 That No One Really Knows or Cares About declined to speak to the Dunyun, perhaps trying to beat indifference at its own game.

The Dunyun has not yet endorsed a candidate but fully intends to earn its second consecutive EPAC sanction.