HPo to Launch “Icing” Sting Operations

During a tense meeting Monday evening, Hanover Police Chief Nicholas Giaccone announced plans to “curb dangerous drinking by the students of Dartmouth College. And also the citizens of Hanover.” The new plan, nicknamed “Operation Frobro”, is in response to the new campus trend of “icing”, which Giaccone called “literally the most alarming threat facing Hanover.” 

Icing has become a popular trend among “bros” on campus. It consists of one bro presenting another bro with a Smirnoff Ice. Regardless of location, the receiving bro must drop to one knee and chug the ice on the spot. Getting iced in a public place, such as first floor Berry or Novack, has become a way to secure “bro” status. 

Giaccone announced that the police department would use undercover “Ice Operatives”, dressed as bros, who would offer Smirnoff Ice to students in creative ways in an attempt to “ice” them. The methods could vary from handing the Ice to the student to slipping it in the student’s backpack when he is not paying attention to putting it in a vending machine. If the student accepted the ice, regardless of method used, the undercover officer would promptly arrest the student and fine him $25,000 plus roughly $1.30 to cover the cost of the ice.

The policy announcement immediately brought calls of  “tyranny”, “sexism” and “bro hate” from Dartmouth males in attendance. 

Under the policy, students could be fined up to $10,000 for simply carrying a Smirnoff Ice, or “packing ice”, a common defense against icing.

In preparation for the operation, Hanover Police has been working to improve its “bro image.” This included the purchase of lax pinnies, a new $40,000 SUV cruiser (incidentally an integral part of any small town police department), and multiple black shirts with the outline of a yellow labrador retriever on the front.

Larry Jones, the advisor of Theta Delta Chi fraternity, was worried about the effect the policy would have on Dartmouth’s unique bro community, “The best thing about Dartmouth is that you can walk up to any bro and ice them. I'm worried that this will ruin the open atmosphere that we support here and lead to a bro only icing ‘his bros’ not ‘all bros’.”

Professor Larry Jones, who teaches SOCY 16: Climbing, supported the policy, “You just don’t know where it stops. I thought the ban on brocabulary had fixed the problem but next thing I know, there are three bros in the back of my 9L taking a knee and drinking Smirnoff Ice.”

Jeffrey Chillington ’10, while stopped at a red on Main Street blaring “Shirt Off” with his windows down, told the Dunyun that he felt “blindsided” by the new policy and added “Just when you thought HPo had some parking tickets to write, they find a way to sabrotoge my life.”

The Interfraternity Council issued a public statement against the policy, “If this policy takes effect, it will erase years of progress and hard work. This won’t stop icing, it will simply drive it underground where it can’t be regulated or, more importantly, witnessed by other bros.”