Unopened Box of Condoms Haunts Freshman's Fall

Excited to begin a new, sexually active, phase of his life, Brian Houston ’15 purchased a box of Trojan Her Pleasure® condoms for freshman fall because, “it’s really about her, not me.” He placed the box in the drawer beside his bed, even removing the plastic wrapping for easier access. However, after only handful of dance floor makeouts, the box continues to sit untouched in his drawer, with the exception of two condoms used in an impromptu water balloon fight on his floor before he realized the cool kids lived in the Choates and not East Wheelock.

Houston cited several reasons for his lack of action this term; “I was really feeling out the scene and focusing on making friends. I’ve laid a ton of groundwork with girls for next term, especially with this cutie on my hall. As soon as she realized that freshman guys actually have a lot to offer, I'm in, literally.” When asked, Houston rebuffed the idea that he was too ambitious and maybe should’ve started with the 3-pack.