“13s Unsure how to Manflirt over the Summer”

Many male members of the Class of 2013 have encountered problems this summer keeping up their desired levels of manflirting, which reached startling levels in the winter and spring. Manflirting is a staple of freshman year due to Dartmouth’s unique rush calendar. However, most aspiring bros refer to it by euphemisms such as “hanging out” or “getting to know brothers” in order to distance themselves from the more often criticized girlflirting.

Many ‘13s were worried about their loss of prime manflirting time over the summer. While some solved this problem by simply staying on campus over the summer, Jacob Taylor ’13 was worried about being classified as “that guy” and decided that it would be more practical maximize his manflirting by “just visiting for a few weekends, you know, when I’m in the area. The ‘12s will definitely be excited to see a ’13 around.”

Evan Brechter '13 explained that he was caught off guard by the summer, "During the year it was so easy. Bros were always blitzing me saying, 'yo ev, wanna play some p?' I mean, they made me pay for the beer, but they provided the cups, balls, and paddles so its fair." When interviewed by The Dunyun staff the bros in question had no recollection of Brechter. One eventually remembered him and exclaimed, "O Ya, He's that kid who always smokes us out."

To counter his inability to manflirt in person, Brechter used the most effective medium that he could find, Facebook Chat, “I send them a message that says something like ‘How hot was that chick I hooked up with last night?’Then I pretend it was meant for someone else. I can parlay that into a conversation about how 10X is going roughly fifteen percent of the time.”

Ryan McPherson ’13 was more proactive in his attempts to manflirt over the summer. Unable to spend time at Alpha Delta fraternity, he found the next best option: going to Filligar shows, which he classified as “probably the second best place to get AD facetime.” McPherson elaborated “I always use some pretense like ‘visiting family in the area’ or ‘playing in a racket sports tournament’ but I’ve seen every AD staying in Chicago, New York and Boston this summer. The music is great but I still haven’t figured out why exactly all the ADs love this particular band so much.”

Kendrick Monroe ’13 explained his philosophy on manflirting, “You need to be a chameleon to be a good manflirter. Since I’m stuck at home in Texas I can’t actually manflirt but I can brush up on my skills to maximize my time in the fall. I’ve been practicing my blunt rolling for some BG manflirting and hitting on the Kappas from TCU and UT so I can hit the ground running with TDX manflirting. I’ve even been going to parties with my sister, a high school senior, you know, for some Chi Gam manflirting practice.”

When directly asked by The Dunyun, all ‘13s other than Monroe were “unsure” about what manflirting was and were “definitely not” partaking in it.