Real World "Full of Caspers"

“Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!”

Jack Rapaport ’11 is the discoverer of a phenomenon. In the library, in the dining halls, and in humanities classes, there are caspers. Caspers, according to Rapaport, are “girls who you see around and who seem really cute and cool and great and haven’t hooked up with any of your friends, but are nowhere to be seen on a Friday night. On a Friday night, they might as well be ghosts.” Since his discovery of this phenomenon, Rapaport has declared himself a “ghostbuster”, a man who finds these ghosts and “takes them down.” Ever since starting his internship in New York City, though, Rapaport has found that the real world is more “full of caspers” than he could possibly have dreamed.

“When I’m at school, I’ll see a new casper maybe once every few days,” Rapaport said in an exclusive interview with The Dunyun. “There just aren’t that many of them. But now, I see a new casper every minute when I walk down the street. Bam! Some hot girl that I’ve never seen before. Bam! Some other hot girl that I’ve never seen before. Where is she going to be on Friday night? I have no idea. It’s dizzying.”

When at school, Rapaport says, there is no secret hiding ground of caspers. One day, there may be caspers in the library, but then, just like that—they’re gone. There is no house that one can go to that will be full of caspers on a Friday night. In the real world, though, almost all bars are full of caspers. The only bars that are not full of caspers are gay bars and bars full of Dartmouth girls.

Josh Martin ’11, a friend of Rapaport’s, explained this phenomenon to The Dunyun. “Gay bars, that’s obvious. Not gonna be that many eligible chicks there. But then the second-worst place to go to find caspers is a bar that’s full of Dartmouth girls. Why would I want to go to a bar where I already know something wrong with every girl, and know exactly why I don’t want to talk to each one of them? Any other bar is the way to go.”

Recent studies have shown that girls in the real world do not expect a morning-after blitz, either.

“Look, there’s a reason that Ghostbusters was set in New York City and not in Hanover. If they were in Hanover, they would’ve gone out of business.”