Free Breakfast for Dinner Completely Compensates Students for Usual DDS Price Level

Preying on students’ lack of sleep and day of subsistence on Novack food, DDS took the opportunity on the last night before finals to gain some goodwill from the student body. By offering breakfast for dinner, commonly called brinner, free of charge, DDS effectively eliminated all animosity towards its usually bloated price levels for the foreseeable future. 

Managers and employees alike were excited about the giveaway. Ed Harvin, the co-vice president of public goodwill and decorations for DDS, explained, “We’re always looking for ways to give back to students. I mean were keeping Novack open 24 hours today and even giving a larger selection of $4 drinks. All we ask for in return is a mere $1,500 per term and the patience to deal with limited dining options and long lines.” 

Even student employees were excited. Mary Gobertus ’11, who works the Home Plate cash register, told the Dunyun, “I constantly get remarks about ‘wait this is really $21’ or ‘is this some sort of joke? But for weeks, even months after this, all I hear is ‘this is pretty expensive but that free brinner was great’ and ‘I bet I'm actually positive on DBA if you factor in that brinner.’”

Students were overjoyed by the idea of free brinner. Sam Brown ’14 called it, “the best meal ever” and added “Sure I’m -$320 in FoCo money right now but now I know DDS cares about more than my money; they care about me. Why else would they give this to me for free? I mean, its not just a normal meal, its breakfast for dinner!”

Luckily the joy was not limited to underclassmen. When asked for his thoughts on the free brinner while carrying it past the grill line, Sebastian Coolidge ’11 shrugged and inquired, “Wait this was free? Who knew? Maybe I should get a third plate.” 

A small minority of students was not won over by the free brinner. One anonymous ’13 complained, “FoCo breakfast isn’t appealing to me on a Sunday morning when I'm hungover and really want breakfast. Do they really expect me to eat it after 9 PM when I’m sober?” The DDS vice president of quality assurance and inspections rebuked the comment, saying that FoCo was having an “off night.”

Some student’s thought that DDS should take free brinner a step farther to continue to add value to students’ $1400 dining plans, “Maybe they should have a positive DBA brinner, like they credit me five dollars for plate I take. That would compensate me for the half hour of studying that I lose from 3:30-4 when I physically can’t leave the bathroom.”

When asked about these complaints, Stanley Harris, the DDS vice president of customer service and satisfaction, responded, “What are they gonna do, get Hanover Bucks?” before bursting into laughter. 

Calculation by the Dunyun determined that one serving of brinner would cost $11.50 on a usual morning at FoCo, $10 at Lou’s and $3.99 at either Waffle House or Denny’s. However, Vincent Kane, DDS vice president of satisfaction and customer service, disputed this, claiming, “The sentimental value is immeasurable.”