Trevor Logan ’13 was seen in Collis today staring at his iPhone with a furrowed brow and serious demeanor. Despite widespread speculation that he was sending a very important email, new evidence indicates that he was in fact playing Tiny Wings.
Eyewitnesses report that Logan had been waiting to meet his friend, Caroline Rosenfeld ’14, when he suddenly remembered the ‘important blitz’ he had to send. Thankfully, Rosenwald’s late arrival allowed Logan the much-needed time to thoughtfully respond to the email.
While Logan reported that he could have socialized with a number of individuals in Collis at the time, he couldn’t be bothered due to the urgent attention his iPhone required. “I saw him sitting alone at the table and I thought he was a GDI,” said Erin Conte ’13. “But then I saw that he was doing something really important on his iPhone. I respect that.”
When Conte learned how badly she had been duped, she was “simply shocked” and wondered how anyone could be so blind. “I was going to look out for him at tails, but now? No way.”
Logan, forced to admit his deception, said that he could have picked up the D but “no one would believe that I was actually reading the D.”
When asked why he didn’t just talk to someone else, Logan confessed that he had always struggled finding contacts in the Collis lunch rush.
Since the story broke, several Dartmouth males have anonymously come forth with their own methods for coping with Collis. Some swear by manly man-chats with Collis Ray, others seek refuge in the judgment-free Bro-SPN room. The smart ones “never go to Collis between 11 AM and 9:30 PM. Hop only, bro.”
Campus males are looking forward to utilizing the iPhone check at other female-dominated social spaces like the Baker Lounge or SPCSA meetings.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment